Happiness comes from within yourself, the condition of your soul! I always seem to forget this and often times measure my quality of my life to what I envisioned success to be for me. This makes me so miserable and ungrateful. I am slowly and painfully accepting that my plan is not happening as PLANNED and that is okay! Afterall, everything is preordained. Our Sustenance and Livelihood has all been decided however, we have to be diligent in searching for it! Its difficult to face your own expectations and the expectations you ASSUME others have of you. Two days ago I spoke to my mother and revealed how I often feel like a failure! Her words of encouragement and motivation serve to ease the pressure sometimes!
Last night I stayed up into the middle of the night to ask from Allah. I asked for guidance, patience and contentment in my life. As I looked into my life I realized how blessed I am and indeed how comfortable my life is. I love these nights although they are my last resorts to getting my Iman (faith) back. My iman gives me fortitude in this life and gives so much meaning and understanding! Often times I don't feel the energy to work towards my iman because I just need to feel my misery! I guess I hate myself sometimes that I punish myself with feeling the misery. Weird! If I could throw a spiritual tantrum I suppose I would but honestly I can't! No one can protect me from the torment of Jahanum but Allah! I have nothing if I don't have Allah in my side. Allah is the creator of the universe and all that belongs in it! How can I not side with Allah and give him my Allegiance! I'm too fearful of being destroyed and besides a life without Allah and Islam is a miserable one! My heart could never deal with such dishonesty to myself!
This dunya (world) really deceives you to thinking you can do without but subhana'Allah you will never succeed if you don't have Allah. TV although the most evil things created sometimes reveals to me how strong my faith is! Atleast my gheerah for my Deen! For example, there is this show I watch in which this old Arab "Muslim(his name is Mohamed so yeah I am assuming)" man sometimes makes appearances. This man sports young model girlfriends on each show (commits a lot of zina obviously) and has these mansions! I thought to myself how ridiculous he looks like a fool. No one probably takes him seriously other than want his money. His love for mansions and all this will only last until he leaves this world because the way he lives its kind of a risk he is taking in loosing his akhirah! It gives me joy that even though my little comfortable life is sometimes troubling that I can secure myself success in both this life and the next if I just fear Allah and live my live according to that! Just saying this gives me so much Happiness! Happiness that makes me want to cry...right now!
Happiness comes from contentment and contentment only comes from gratitude to the Creator. Life is hard for everybody, from a billionaire to a orphan child in Afghanistan. We all struggle to find meaning to our lives and search for SOMETHING that will make us happy in all shapes and forms. Pure bliss does not exist in this world and until we realize this we wont be truly CONTENT with our life. Today in this world depression is defined by the absence of happiness and as a result of such mentality we get A WHOLE lot of depressed people. Contentment grants us the ability to be happy which only comes from being a grateful servant to Allah and living ISLAM!
So last night I made a promise to myself to just work hard and that is all! my Rizq shall come to me when it is decided. In the mean time I just have to strive and calm down!