In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate

In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate
Al-Quran (30:30)

So direct your face toward the religion, inclining to truth. [Adhere to] the fitrah of Allah upon which He has created [all] people. No change should there be in the creation of Allah. That is the correct religion, but most of the people do not know.

فَأَقِمْ وَجْهَكَ لِلدِّينِ حَنِيفًا فِطْرَةَ اللَّهِ الَّتِي فَطَرَ النَّاسَ عَلَيْهَا لَا تَبْدِيلَ لِخَلْقِ اللَّهِ ذَلِكَ الدِّينُ الْقَيِّمُ وَلَكِنَّ أَكْثَرَ النَّاسِ لَا يَعْلَمُونَ
[Al-Imran 3:8] "[Who say], "Our Lord, let not our hearts deviate after You have guided us and grant us from Yourself mercy. Indeed, You are the Bestower."


Sunday, September 5, 2010

"...And made your sleep a means for rest...? "

[25:47] "And it is He Who makes the night a covering for you, and the sleep (as) repose, and makes the day Nushur (i.e. getting up and going about here and there for daily work, etc. after one's sleep at night or like resurrection after one's death)."


[78:6-9] "Have We not made the earth a resting place?And the mountains as stakes?And We have created you in pairs (male and female, tall and short, good and bad, etc.).And made your sleep [a means for] rest  "





The man in the video says: "sleep is a mystery we don't know why we sleep or why we need sleep"

This led me to ponder on the ayaah of the Qur'an. Subhana'Allah Indeed everything in this world is a sign of our Creator. I am in awe all the time. We can't even order our bodies not to sleep yet we are so arrogant to recognize that we aught to worship our creator whom created us to need sleep. They (the scientist) can't even figure out something so simple of our daily life and its beyond me how it does not even retrieve them to feel insignificant and humble themselves to their creator. It also led me to ponder how sleeping is subscribed to what is helpless and then reminded me of numerous ayaah of the Qur'an in which Allah (subhanahu wa ta' ala) says he is free of need and [2:255] "...Neither slumber, nor sleep overtake Him..." Something those whom with little minds fail to reflect upon and regardless out of arrogance (don't even want to believe that maybe just maybe they are mistaken on whom they worship) subscribe partners to Allah (swt). 

*subhana'Allahla wa laa hawla wa la quwwata illa billah (Glorified is Allah, there is no power and no might except by Allah) :)

Friday, August 27, 2010

Tolerance, a figment of the Mind?


In my entire life I have never encountered so much intolerance, hate and ignorance than by any group more so than Christians and Zionists. These are usually the same people who call Muslims intolerant and hateful, evil etc (you get the picture I am sure!). Before I get any messages of “you are advocating/promoting hate and violent acts towards Christians,”I do not and I am not advocating intolerance towards any group by this statement because GOD “forbid (sarcasm intended)" I call any Christian intolerant, ignorant or hateful because that is reserved for Muslims right? (sarcasm intended) I am only telling it like it is. Its time I speak out against this bigotry.

Post 9/11, I don't even recall associating Muslims with it (I was not Muslim at the time). I honestly knew how this worked because I had read enough history, been a victim of racism myself (being a Mexican gal and all you know) and read enough to recognize this was another "project in progress." This project will unravel itself soon enough and let’s hope it’s not too late when it does happen to do so.

We have bad and "good"Muslims just like we have "good"people and bad people (and the same can be applied to Christians, jews, hindus, Sikhs, buddhist, Taoist, wiccans etc-just happens that a big proportion of Christians are bigots and all Zionists are heartless {sarcasm not included}). Most Muslims are too shy to even say much to people and scared to come across as "insulting" to other people's beliefs when making dawah (calling to Islam). As a matter of fact one of our methods of dawah is tolerance. "So you can run and tell that... hoooommmmeeeebbbboooyyyy"

When I became Muslim, I became a lot of other things too (according to bigots). I became foreign, ignorant, evil, ugly, a terrorist, a murderer, crazy, oppressed, brainwashed, a devil worshiper, intolerant and suddenly I wanted to dominate the world! (like something out of a Steven Spielberg movie) … and a lot of other things that my coping mechanism (survival instinct) sort of blocked out in order to stay sane . Unfortunately, most of these statements were from relatives. Yey (sarcasm intended)! Let me note: These were relatives that have NEVER played a role in my life or ever contributed to my well being (they were never interested about anything I did-univ, my aspirations etc). One of my aunts was SEVERELY “worried” whether I would be able to wear cute shoes in public (wow! lets not under estimate the value of cute pumps in life, right ladies?!). While another cousin, all of a sudden, was VERY concerned I was disobeying my parents by being Muslim and wearing a veil regardless of the fact my parents never complained about of me(because you know how veiled girls get into trouble nowadays with all the partying and well the Virgin Mary "really" did not wear a veil out of piety) .

Lets no leave out the occasional “curious” family member/friend who asks “HOW AND WHY on earth” I chose to be a MUSLIM (Oh Lord, how can any sane person choose Islam-eerie song plays in the background). Then at the bottom of the email/letter, there are references to Christian websites, verses from the bible and a prayer calling me to Christ again*Sigh*(because apparently he/she ruled out maybe "my experiences as a Christian was misleading" *blink* blink*).

You know it’s kind of hard to see their sincerity or their open-mindedness when they do that. I don’t even bother with people like that. I don’t know whether to laugh or feel sorry for them because of their delirious state of self-righteousness or as I like to describe “saved” mental disorder.

The funny thing about all of this they actually admit they are not knowledgeable about Islam or ever studied it. People don’t really want us Muslims to be tolerant they want us to assimilate and leave our faith. That’s exactly how they define tolerance to Muslims. The only way to be a "tolerant Muslim" according to them is to be a non-Muslim or a "secularist Muslim (not sure how that would work) ". They want us to leave our beliefs and take upon theirs and that’s the truth of the matter. They need to stop with the shenanigans about tolerance because they don't even know what that means. Just as pathetic it is to learn calculus from a 4 month old baby it is just as pathetic to listen to these douches who have no heart and a brain of a goldfish.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Halawat Al-Ramadan

This is my fourth Ramadan but the first in which I can actually savor its sweetness no kidding. I feel like a kid in candy store not knowing where to start. There is so much I want to do to "cash" in on these rewards and the barakah of this special month ! I think for the first time I finally get it! Before, I just felt lethargic and at the end of Ramadan all I experienced I'm afraid, was only hunger :(

I feel so at ease and at peace with myself. I don't even have energy to stress or even talk for that matter (which is always a good thing since it gets me into trouble anyways-now if I could channel that into my fingers and not type as much either :s ). So I am totally enjoying the serenity right now and I love it!

The other day while talking to Mama I told her of how tranquil I felt and how fasting makes one much more thankful and appreciative towards our creator. So my mama says "I will have to try that out someday," which I did not expect at all. My past Ramadans, she has been very complacent about them and would help me wake up for suhoor. All at the same time she is not very fond of Ramadan just as many of those without conviction. They find it ridiculous to fast for that amount of days because they don’t understand the concept of attaining reward or seeking nearness to God or seeking his pleasure.

Well I can't wait for Eid... I'm saving up to get presents for family and friends. Uggh so much to do! Family!, Ramadan, Eid, moving, School, Work! My ARABIC -_- and memorizing all my organic chemistry reactions again! Keep in mind I have to do all this during Ramadan! and THEN ITS DHUL-HIJJAH! (can't wait yeeey :D insha'Allah!

* update: 8/25/10 Just found an article on MuslimMatters that talked about what I just did on my post... so cool, apparently I am not crazy! :D

MuslimMatters article: Muslims feeling euphoric about Ramadan!


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

My Fail Musings

This pictures depicts exactly how my life is at the moment: a slump!
{This is my cat Alina that run away :( }

Prior to Ramadan, I had an already bad schedule going on: circadian rhythm and life style. I have been trying to fix it since then but I am not sure what it is. At times I feel so exhausted (brain not functioning) I just want to sleep yet when I lay down to bed, I can't fall sleep because I am constantly thinking and feeling anxious.

Anyways I was a bit worried how I would survive this Ramadan if I kept this up but Alhamdulilah (Thanks and praise be to God) I have been doing "well." I am not feeling any more exhausted than usual. Been waking up for suhoor and fajr and been fasting with ease and been attending the taraweeh prayers (night prayer). So I'm sort of proud of that. The only thing to this is that in order to wake up for suhoor or have suhoor I stay up the whole night sometimes! and then after need to head to work then to prayer, then study a bit, then go to prayer then sleep then or stay up. Its really a weird schedule.

Today i had an interesting morning no doubt, I went to bed "early" in order that I can stay up after Fajr and eat suhoor. I ended up sleeping about 3-4 hours and woke up at 3 am and stood in bed until my alarm blasted off at 4:30 am. I decided in between sunrise and 10 am I would cook and clean. I baked some cupcakes, a cake, and some beans. I'm planning to have a friend over iftar today but hope she will not flake on me... and I hope she is reading this feeling crummy about her flakes these past weeks. Anyways... will be making some mexican sopes with some dessert: STRAWBERRY CUPCAKES!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

A Merciless Soul: An Oppressor

Narrated Ibn 'Umar: The Prophet said, "oppression will be a darkness on the Day of Resurrection."

"Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet sent Mu'adh to Yemen and said, "Be afraid, from the curse of theoppressed as there is no screen between his invocation and Allah."

Narrated Abu Musa: Allah's Apostle said, "Allah gives respite to the oppressor, but when He takes him over, He never releases him." Then he recited:-- "Such is the seizure of your Lord when He seizes (population of) towns in the midst of their wrong: Painful indeed, and severe is His seizure.' (11.102)

A 4 year old boy is crying while holding onto his father while israeli soldiers take him for jail: His "Crime" "steeling" WATER (that belongs to them and they have been deprived from) from an Israeli settlement.



Monday, August 2, 2010

Ramadan is coming!!! Why we fast :)

[2:185] "The month of Ramadhan [is that] in which was revealed the Qur'an, a guidance for the people and clear proofs of guidance and criterion. So whoever sights [the new moon of] the month, let him fast it; and whoever is ill or on a journey - then an equal number of other days. Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship and [wants] for you to complete the period and to glorify Allah for that [to] which He has guided you; and perhaps you will be grateful."

  • One whom is not thankful is arrogant, selfish, proud and degrades themselves (nothing more but a body whom follows their whims and desires).

Allah (swt) has prescribed for us to fast in order that we may reach consciousness of him and a state of vigilance.
  • Taqwa in Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) is the greatest virtue one can have
[2:183 "O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you so that you may attain taqwa -" ]
{So we should ask ourselves, when we break our fasts, ‘Has this fasting day made us fear Allah (swt) more?}
  • Fasting Allows us to establish a relationship with our Creator.
  • We surrender our most basic needs for the sake of Allah (swt) = True Love
  • Fasting is the source of forgiveness for one's sins and to become beloved to Allah (swt) insha'Allah.
[5:35] "O you who have believed, fear Allah and seek the means [of nearness] to Him and strive in His cause that you may succeed."

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Walk and the Squirrel

"Allah the Almighty has said: 'O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me, and hope in Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds in the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I shall forgive you..." [Al-Tirmidhi]


We walk because we have to and is a means to transport ourselves from place to place. We bike, we walk, we run, we drive and in all of these activities we need our legs. What a blessing it is to have the ability to walk and have legs that function properly yet what lessons can one derive from the simple act of involuntary walking. Alhamdulilah waAllah Akbar !

The transience of this life is like walking. With each step, time is gone and the closer we are to our destination. A couple of days ago while walking to the masjid, I almost stepped on a dead squirrel. The squirrel was decomposing but it resembled its ground, the dirt. It provoked thought in me, how I too will be nothing but dirt someday. I felt so insignificant and humbled. Subhana'Allah, even this decomposing squirrel is a sign from Allah (swt) [2:28] "How can you disbelieve in Allah when you were lifeless and He brought you to life; then He will cause you to die, then He will bring you [back] to life, and then to Him you will be returned."

For the rest of the evening I felt so melancholic because I am so scared of departing this earth in my state. I fear for all that I will be held accountable on the Day of Judgment. I fear to be exposed and humiliated and discover I was a hypocrite all along. I cannot bear to think about it, I wish I never existed. I honestly can’t understand what I am doing busying myself in things that won’t even matter then [23:101]. Why do I waste so much energy on trying to acquire things, statuses, labels that are so useless in protecting me from what awaits everyone! [3:185]

It’s easy to lose perspective and go to either extreme but a true believer should have have hope and fear. Our prophet (peace be upon him) is the best example to follow. The mercy of Allah (swt) is everywhere even in the lucid breeze that brushes one as it passes by therefore we should always be grateful [7:144] “… So take what I have given you and be among the grateful."

May Allah (swt) guide and protect us and forgive us our transgressions Ameen.

[39:53] "Say: O my slaves who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins). Do not despair of the Mercy of Allah: verily Allah forgives all sins. He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

[15:99] "And worship your Lord until there comes to you the certainty [i.e. death]


Saturday, July 17, 2010

"You're Muslim ehh?"

Yesterday after Jumuah, I went to work and seeing that it was laid back at my workplace and feeling “Islamically pumped up,” I decided I would also do Asr at the masjid. When the time approached, I asked my boss if could go for asr prayer at the Masjid. He turned around and asked, “You’re muslim ehh??” To that I replied, “ummm yeah Kevin (fake name) I am… umm… I thought this (pointed at my hijab) sort of gave that away (and chuckled). ”

Apparently my abaya, hijab, AND the fact I don’t consume pork and alcohol (co-worker dinner) would be self-explanatory but maybe it’s not LOL. I knew he knew I that I was Muslim. He could have not possibly dismissed and overlooked when I would step out to pray, how I interact and how I dress but I figured perhaps he just wanted to discuss it. Indeed that was the reason, he asked me how was it that I was Muslim and whether there was more Mexican Muslims like me and said we were "exotic.(not sure if he meant to use another word but thats what he said)" Wow that’s NEW… Like nice attractive exotic or weird exotic? lol

We talked for a bit and I had to halt the discourse because I had to leave to the masjid. When I arrived back to work, I was surprised to find him there waiting for me. I tried not to initiate the conversation again because I wanted to see whether he was genuinely interested and would bring it up again himself. I was not mistaken and we picked up the conversation where it had paused. I did not hold anything back. I told him how I came to Islam, my trials as a Muslim(with society) and how I perceive this life as a Muslimah. (surprisingly he did not ask me about my hijab).

I watched him listen attentively, Masha’Allah it was a very heartfelt discourse. He did not approach my conversation with the usual biased baggage people usually do. So it was a bit different this time. He then told me, “I like to consider myself a bit like you, I am not superficial.” Our conversation ended there. I wonder what he meant by that or maybe that was the best he could convey something deeper he felt Allah (swt) knows best. I cherish moments like these... pure humanity! Alhamdulilah


Friday, July 16, 2010

The Sound of Elegance

[2:238] “Be guardians of your prayers, and of the midmost prayer, and stand up with devotion to Allah

[4:103] "And when you have completed the prayer, remember Allah standing, sitting, or [lying] on your sides. But when you become secure, re-establish [regular] prayer. Indeed, prayer has been decreed upon the believers a decree of specified times"

[74:42-43] "What has caused you to enter Hell? They will say, We were not of those who prayed.”

I had the strangest thing happen to me today. While preparing dinner, I imagined or thought I heard a takbir in my head. So why is was it strange? Well because when I do dhikr in my head it would not be strange if I thought I heard it in my head because I was THINKING IT! but I was not and it was completely random in this case.So according to my friend I might be schizophrenic. hmmm no I am not lol. I think its the same thing as when one imagines their name being called or their phone ring. The only difference is that this time it was meaningful for me :) So I just repeated Allahu Akbar (God is great) and then visualized a mass of people making sujud (prostration) together all at once (like in Makkah) and hearing the sound as everyone prostrates! sA what a feeling. So MAJESTIC!. I don’t believe there is anything more magnificent and elegant in this world as is our prayer.

Here is a very emotional recitation makes one want to cry. If I think this is beautiful how much more BEAUTIFUL it would be to hear our beloved's voice (May peace and blessings be upon him) .

This is how I imagined it in my head. I just love it :)

Monday, July 12, 2010

To be or not to be Optimistic?

Three nights ago I dreamt that my mother was doing Salah with me and several nights ago prior to this dream, dreamed my father doing salah as well. The dream with my father was different though, I especially remember observing him make long sujuds (prostrations) and raising his arms up to the skies crying to Allah (swt). I remember thinking (in that dream), “He is not praying correctly...”and wanted to go and correct him but somebody in my dream (whom I don’t remember) told me to leave him alone and I did (must be shaytan that wanted him to continue this biddah lol).

I want to believe that these dreams have some significance. I assume it’s my psyche and my strong desire for my parents to be Muslim that causes me to even dream it. I mean what can I do? All I can do is just convey the message but sometimes I just get so depressed. sA I can’t help it. The fact the most beloved people to me in this world are non-muslim sA is very depressing . I fear that If I survive them I will forever have the image of their "end"(if they died in another state other than Islam) ingrained in my mind forever INSHA’ALLAH that wont be the case! INSHA'ALLAH!!

So Apparently, my wittle (little) nephew is taking catechism. He approached me yesterday with a concerned tone, “Yasmine, some people are saying that Jesus is Lord and God!” I wanted to laugh so hard but stood silent to see how he responded to it. He repeated it again with a more certain tone, “Jesus is not God huh? Senor Patrick once showed me this movie of Diosito (God) dying on the cross.” I replied to him “Well, you tell me who is more powerful us or God? Can we kill him? Is God like us? Does he eat and go to the restroom? Because if he is not more powerful then who are people going to pray to? ” He replied, “no God is more powerful, this lady once came to my house and told my mom that God gave her life because she was dying (He was referring to those people who knock on people's door-Jehovah witnesses).”

At this point I began to record our little conversation on my phone because I honestly could not believe he was talking in such a manner. I told him Jesus is a prophet who is a man who called for people to believe in God and was a Muslim like me. I explained that when he got older he would understand what a prophet is. So I asked him again, “Who is more powerful humans or God,” he said, “You did not mention the devil because God is more powerful than humans and the devil.”

Mind you he is only seven years old; I only try to engage him. I never try to initiate or impose my beliefs on him. I am just so amazed by the fitrah of a young child. I have become a bit more careful of what I allow them (nieces and nephew) to do with me. Before when I used to pray in front of them they would join me and when they went home to their parents, would continue to do those acts. Their parents complained to my parents so I don’t really want any repercussions because of this. One day insha’Allah I hope they remember this. The fact kids naturally incline to Islam are indeed signs that Islam is the truth. :)

As child I was very inquisitive and deeply rooted in religion (Catholicism) because of my upbringing and my mother. I even recall building a little shrine in my bedroom but did not know why I did. I have recollections of confronting my mother about who was God, Jesus and Mary. I remember taking turns on praying to each one of them (because according to my own logic they were separate.) Whenever I felt I was praying too much to one I would switch because I was afraid “their” feelings would get hurt (astagfur’Allah :-/ ).

As I got older the more I studied and began to inquire the priest at my local parish, teachers, friends and myself! It was during this time I began to abandon the worship of Mary (praying the rosary) because I found out it was not permissible and "idolatry" but again I had no idea who Jesus was or the extent of what that really meant. I somehow thought that Jesus was just someone God appointed for us to worship and deliver the message to us to believe in God Almighty. sA its incredible how my beliefs prior to Islam were all based on conjecture that was acquired from my theology teachings. So I was not the only one.

At one point, I even considered to become a sister determined that I would be closer to “God” if I reserved myself only for God( really stupid concept indeed). I never stop asking God to help me find truth and here I am a...

... Muslim Alhamdulilah!! So yes I am happy to be Muslim. How can I not be thankful , hopeful and optimistic?! I might come off as too optimistic but in reality I am more of the practical type on the verge of pessimism. Its when I contemplate on the ayat of Allah (swt) that I find hope all around me. Indeed we are surrounded by signs of our Creator.

May my family's embrace Islam in all sincerity and may we be amongst the righteous whom establish salah and whom place their trust in their creator. Ameen!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Disappearing Male!! uh oh!

Narrated Anas: I will narrate to you a Hadith and none other than I will tell you about after it. I heard Allah's Apostle saying: From among the portents of the Hour are (the following):
1. Religious knowledge will decrease (by the death of religious learned men).
2. Religious ignorance will prevail.
3. There will be prevalence of open illegal sexual intercourse.
4. women will increase in number and men will decrease in number so much so that fifty women will be looked after by one man. (Book #3, Hadith #81)

Allahu Akbar!!!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Dawah can be yummy too

This weekend I went to my first halal Chinese restaurant and it was awesome!!! I felt so overwhelmed of the choices to choose from. I could finally eat anything without having to investigate how it was cooked, where it was cooked on or what it was cooked with, regardless if it was "halal." Orange Chicken never tasted better :) The whole restaurant was full of Islamic calligraphy and pictures of Mecca. It made me really happy that the owners were so open and proud of being Muslims. Now that’s yummy dawah :)





Lets "water" our "plants!!" :)


A certain special little person close to my heart came into the folds of Islam (formally)!! Allahu Akbar! I feel the strain of this and I hope they won’t have to go through the trials I have had to go through and I pray that Allah (swt) makes it easy for ‘them iA. I feel happy but at the same time, so apprehensive about it due to so many reasons. The Shahada is a very POWERFUL declaration yet the most effortless thing to do. Its almost like a paradox; easy and difficult.

I have came across a lot of people that although they claim they “love” Islam and want to be a Muslim have issues with declaring it and its nothing but the whispers of Shaytan threatening them with insignificant things of this world that have no magnitude to the real purpose of Life by exaggerating its “consequences.” Everyone will have trials no doubt but the trials that hurt most are those that loosen the grip on one’s deen.

For some time now I have had a very sour and acidy feeling in the pit of my stomach due to all the stress I have been subjected as of late and I feel that anything can break me right now but sA this weekend proved to be a success and helped me put things in perspective again. The Quran is the only reassurance of how our trials are so intangible to our real goal and our only manual on how to surmount them sA its truly a mercy from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

I spent this weekend studying Surah Al-Khaf. Every Aayah is a miracle sA! In every ayah there are lessons and wisdom. It made me realize how important it is for me to learn Arabic. I feel like a looser! I felt so shamed on how easily I lose hope, when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has promised us he would not abandon his servants. Are we doubtful of Allah's (swt) promise because we are so attached to this world or what?! I don’t know I wish I could look into my heart because not even I know what’s in it. I sometimes fear that I might be a munafiq and not even know it and that I only strive to live up to this ideal not necessarily for the sake of Allah (swt). I feel crappy now. I need to check my intentions more often and I don’t ( I check my email more than my sincerity and intentions)ugggh…

So anyways, when I arrived home last night I found my plant dying and all shriveled up ( represents "Me") and I rushed to water it. It was a really a sad sight I felt so horrible. When I woke up today in the morning, I rushed to go check up on it and it was all “happy” again. sA! Truly these are signs from Allah (swt) for those that ponder. I recognized the analogy and it’s..... AMAZING!!!

[2:164]Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and earth, and the alternation of the night and the day, and the [great] ships which sail through the sea with that which benefits people, and what Allah has sent down from the heavens of rain, giving life thereby to the earth after its lifelessness and dispersing therein every [kind of] moving creature, and [His] directing of the winds and the clouds controlled between the heaven and the earth are signs for a people who use reason.

My cute little plant :D

Friday, June 25, 2010

Keep them coming... (Trials)



Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials." -Bukhari

Today I realized that I had more trials than I imagined and it makes me happy deep down inside (the rewards iA ). I feel as things become harder and more complicated the same applies to how I have to think of ways to surmount them. All my life I have had to try to be resilient and be the best I can be in the midst of chaos unwillingly and willingly. Whenever I am down or feeling stressed I always remember the favor and blessing Allah (swt) bestowed me with, Islam and how he tests the ones whom he loves most. iA.

These past weeks have been very stressful on me in every aspect POSSIBLE!: emotionally, financially, academically, socially, islamically…etc! and today was no exception but Alhamdulilah I feel very humbled by all this because I know that success is only through pleasing and obeying Allah (swt). We must always remind ourselves that our end is near and all the riches and social ranking won’t matter then. I don’t care to collect luxuries, money, or chase this stupid world. This world and life sucks!

On a brighter note, I was too stressing about whether I was going to be able to attend this awesome class called Echoes of the Cave-Tafseer on Surah Al-Khaf (Al-Maghrib course)and did not know whether it would be wise to do so in the midst of such chaos. ALHAMDULILAH! ALLAHU AKBAR! Everything resolved itself (transportation and hospitality) just hours ago literally. {If Allah (swt) wants to favor someone, he grants him comprehension (understanding) of this religion- Bukhari, Tirmidhi and Ahmad}

Allah (swt) is indeed great. How can I possibly be distraught by the ways of this world when I have the creator of the heavens on my side[7:196]. HOW CAN I?! Im such a whiner sA sometimes I amaze myself how much I whine. Today I felt like being bitter just because I felt like it. Lol it’s so ridiculous how I think of such things right away. I need to train those nafs to immediately seek Allah’s (swt) counsel and not just succumb to melancholy.

Yesterday, I was listening to a lecture from Waleed Basyouni called “Parents; The Middle Gate of Jannah.” Oh my Allah (swt), it put things in perspective for me especially with things that I was currently contemplating .The best thing to do to one’s parents is be dutiful (support them) and call them to Islam [17:23-24] and I don’t ever plan to compromise that command from Allah (swt). The only form of dawah I can rely now is just my good character towards them and being hopeful in the favor of Allah (swt). I cannot understand how so many neglect their parents especially their mothers that bore them for nine difficult months and raised them. I guess this is my trial and I just have to be patient :-/

now to leave this awesome Nasheed... I love it!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

EXTRA-CREDIT!



After my bio-organic chem Final I went to the Masjid for Maghrib. There was only one sister there("surprise"). I made wudu and quickly joined in. As I prayed, I felt this heavy feeling fall upon me and and felt as if everything was "caving" in. The recitation sounded like a far away echo and I felt almost as if I was floating. I must have been really mentally exhausted from my long final. But before I figured what was going on, I thought I was dying. WHY? I have no idea. I always do -_-

I was like "oh my gosh I'm probably dying..." and for some reason I was like "Yes dying during SALAH... awesome!" I guess its nice to think of it that way but dang what if that really was my end... I am so not ready to face my trials yet or ready to depart this life with an empty deed tank. So I decided to stay in the masjid until Isha. My initial plans were to go to bed early (11pm) so that I can wake for midnight prayer. Apparently that plan failed.

When I got home, I heard a cute little cat {note* I LOVE CATS!} So I went berserks and got the cat food and water to feed it. I spent probably a good 35 minutes trying to lure it to feed it. Soon after, a fellow classmate called to talk about the final and we talked for about ~30 minutes. By the time I got to bed it was 12:30 am and I just laid there trying to sleep. I kept thinking about; school, family, future, and marriage. And here I am writing for an anonymous audience at 2:41am.. might as well pray now because I need that extra credit for Jannah.

p.s. my final had 30 extra credit and I hella went psycho ... yet we don't go psycho for our unlimited extra credit opportunities to please Allah (swt) and earn Jannah. we are so ungrateful.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Awesome Tangents in life: spouse material-dawah



I am on the train right now heading back home (school) and its oh so depressing to Depart from my family. I cant even imagine how difficult it would to be without them in this life and in the hereafter. IT SUCKS BIG TIME! At least if they were Muslim my sorrow would only be temporary if they left before me. All I want is for them to believe. Even if they were to conceal it, I would be the happiest girl on earth because at least I would reunite with them in Jannah iA :-/ .

I've had many dreams that "reaffirm" my heart that hope is not distant. The heaviness of the darkness of the night always reminds me of our fragility (death) and its dwells on me for days at a time. If only they knew the sorrow I conceal in my heart :(

Yesterday, my brother approached me in a very non-nonchalant manner and told me that his friend wants to meet me. I thought it was another of his attacks. I responded, “I'm Muslim Omar,” he replied, “I know, he is muslim too.” I felt rather annoyed but somehow relieved it was not another of his attacks. Apparently he made friends with some Muslim guy who owns a store and my "considerate" brother advertised his available muslim sister.

So according to him, his friend wants to meet me. First of all my brother should not be advertising me to some stranger, I'M HIS SISTER AND HE SHOULD BE WATCHING OUT FOR ME! Two, Only a weirdo with no haya would say something like “I want to meet her.” Most likely he is some FOB perv and probably Muslim by "culture default" just like the many weirdos who send me repulsive messages on my facebook with no mutual friends!

I tried to be serious just in case he was and I said,” well Omar, those dudes probably sell pork, alcohol, don’t pray and are not educated. So not interested thanks (with a sarcastic tone). ” My brother, “Yeah he prays and he has a nice car (wow what an awesome quality-sarcasm intended again)...” My mom laughed, “my daughter is not for sale and she can choose for herself.” My brother, “well most likely he is already married, they probably arranged his marriage before his birth. ”

Me, “thats cultural not Islamic.” My brother, “I know its not Islam its cultural I am not that stupid.” WOW that really caught me off guard. Although I was trying to keep a serious composure I was doing Takbir within. I thought it was so amazing because it means he no longer sees Islam as foreign but a universal message completely isolated from culture.

I suppose hope may seem far fetched but it gives me a serene heart. If he were to become Muslim it would be revolutionary such as the story of Umar Al-Khattab (RA). My brother is a very strong character individual and I am sure many would follow after him, not to mention that his name is Omar. TAKBIR!! One negative is that he seems to be a follower not much of a leader. He tends to act out especially towards me in the presence of others. I swear sometimes I feel he wants to know more about Islam or approach the subject with me but his fear for how people will receive him is a big deal to him I’ve noticed. Sometimes he calls me randomly to tell me he loves me and tries to say Assalamu Alaykum and for God to bless me and help me achieve whatever I strive for. I literally cry after.

I mean sA he must be inquiring or thinking more about this. This really provoked some serious thinking in me especially in what to look in a spouse. I would like someone whom is strong in Deen yet gentle, someone like our beloved prophet (pbuh), brave and humble. There are some people you can totally see their noor manifest in their character and the way they interact with others. I really want someone who will not only be a good father and husband but a good son and brother in law. The reason this incident made me think deeply in a tangential like manner is my strong desire for my family to become Muslims. I am somehow placing my hopes in my spouse for some reason. This life is temporary and I rather keep things in perspective and not get stunted with traits that have no magnitude in the purpose of life which is to please Allah (swt).

The Greatness of Allah (swt): from a Christian to a muslim




As a former Christian, I don't think I knew just how great God was or the magnitude of what that meant then. As a Muslim, the more scientific knowledge I gain the more i am in awe of the greatness of Allah (swt)and only expel gasps of takbirs :) [35:28]. Indeed his creation are signs for those that ponder and the proof of his infinite greatness. I fear nothing and no one but Allah (swt) and I testify no one is worthy of worship but him [16:52, 2:164, 10:24].

One of the Many amazing things of the Quran is that brings the human back to earth (humbles them) and does so by emphasizing our human characteristics correlating it to our helplessness [17:37 "And do not walk upon the earth exultantly. Indeed, you will never tear the earth [apart], and you will never reach the mountains in height."].

The Quran also reiterates stories in the past in which populations of people have been destroyed because of their transgression. In doing so Allah (swt) is also warning us and reminding us who ultimately is Great [17:16-17]. So how can one whom cannot even command his body not to need nourishment, rest, defecate or command the skies without the permission of Allah (swt) be God or the son of God? How can one who is unable to help themselves be one’s Lord? [3:59, Matthew 4:1,8, Hebrews 4:15, James 1:13].

It is only when one truly UNDERSTANDS AND KNOWS how Great God is, prescribing partners or intermediaries to God is inconceivable.

We cannot ascribe divinity to Jesus because he performed miracles or was born by virgin birth. Every prophet(s) was able to perform miracles by the permission of God. Neither can we ascribe Jesus divinity based on an argument that was settled between the council of Nicea or according to Paul of Tarsus, a greek who proclaimed to be an apostle when he had never met Jesus and rejected God's Law and subsequently Jesus’ true message[Galatians 3:3. 2 Timothy:8].Jesus came in order to fulfill the same message of the prior prophets before him and to confirm the Torah [Matthew 5: 17-20, Quran 3:3, 2:87, 3:84] and until this day has been distorted and ignored by the “followers of Jesus.”

Why would God give his glory to another or change the message? It does not even make sense. While laws or different prescriptions maybe be different its always in accordance with time and what is best for us then (referring to the different laws although the same message). So Alhamdulilah I am muslim <3

Haya: what it means to have haya- the Greatness of Allah (swt)




As a muslim, the topic of Haya really intrigues me. Haya is an evolution within that takes place with the partnership of iman. One can not truly have iman without haya. In order for one to be a true believer they must first and foremost recognize the greatness of Allah (swt). Thats the difference between Islam and any other religion. Allah (swt) does not need us, we need him. so if one knows the greatness of Allah (swt) they have haya. Because, how is it possible that we can transgress against Allah (swt) while eating and using his provisions. Indeed we have no shame and are ungrateful.

When I was coming into the folds of Islam it took me awhile to come in terms with wearing the veil...why? I have no idea. It was not because I was against it. At that phase i just felt that submittance was something that evolved from within not exterior. The more knowledge I gained, the more my iman grew and soon after I felt inclined to put on hijab. It was simply a manifestation of my iman and that is what haya exactly is a manifestation of iman.

I did not give thought to any tribulations that I would face soon after. It was not even a factor to me. It was something I felt I had to do, I could not imagine otherwise. I knew that if I strive to please Allah (swt) he will never degrade or abandon me. Praise be to Allah (swt) for my transition and tribulations was easy. In fact my first hijab was given to me by my mother :)

I remember thinking, “they don't make the sun rise so I am not afraid of them." It is such a childish deduction but that is simply what I perceived as great then. At the same time its such an amazing thing, because we are so arrogant yet we can not order our body not to need rest or not to eat or command the skies to fall into night or day. We are so helpless sA what a concept.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I am C-Muslim :(

I have not been able to sleep as of late due to anxiety. The only things that helps is reading Quran. It is my reality check that sets my priorities in perspective. Life is demanding and its not even worth that much of my energy to stress over it. I hate how it diverts me from my real priorities in life like to please Allah (swt) and to work towards earning Jannah. As of right now I think I am C- Muslim :(

Allah(swt) gives us so much oppurtunities to earn "extra credit" and we don't try to earn it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?! We will do anything to earn extra credit for our courses that only last 10 weeks yet we don't want to earn extra credit for jannah that lasts for eternity. Apparently we got our priorities switched. FAIL!

I am also so close to graduating and don't know what to do. I have not taken my GRE's, MCAT's or PCAT's pretty much just always been stressed. I don't know what I am passionate about anymore. I lost it. SCHOOL made me loose it or I did lol. I feel like a machine. All I know is that I enjoy chemisty/science but I feel that is not enough for the world. Its as if in order to prove to the world I am a "somebody" I need something more lucrative like a Ph.d or an M.D. I mean I would love to pursue something great but I just don't think I have the luxury of time to do so. I need that extra credit for Jannah. I am always stressed for what?! for some stupid grade that denotes my academic thus my human value? Why can't I just learn for fun?

I am scared to die and not spend enough time with my family knowing the possibility that I will never see them again (not in jannah) and thinking of their fate if they died in such state (not muslims).I am scared to die not being a good muslim. I want to spend my life making my loved ones and my family happy and giving them what i can of what they define as paradise in this life because I know what lays ahead. It breaks my heart every night that i have to think about this and thus is another reason why I have so much anxiety. I want to be an awesome Muslim not a mediocre one.

I can't understand how someone would rather choose this temporary life over jannah. What do they simply see in this?

I am in spring break as of now I don't want to return back to school and my predictable dull life. The only thing that keeps me going is that I can't abandon the fact that I am my parents retirement plan and I want to be. I guess I can Happily say they are my passion that is worth my energy. May Allah (swt) make it easy on me and open their hearts Ameen.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

MIDTERM!!

Man it has been a long time since I have updated this old blog. Initially my plan was just to abandon it and just transfer to wordpress which i have done but it has become PRIVATE lol.. So no one can read it except for I and some posts that I decided to make public, WHICH HAPPENS only to one. Alot has Occurred in my life SURPRISE. I am still HAPPY TO BE MUSLIM!! yey.

I have a huge midterm tomorrow that I don't know crap. Its ORGANIC SYNTHESIS. I am so screwed. I need a miracle... I've been studying alot but i feel like I don't know anything. I don't know how i am going to pull this one off. Not to mention its an GRAD level class and I am an UNDERGRAD! like what the heck was I thinking -_- So yeah I have been MAKING lots of DUAA and praying that all goes well. I mean no matter how much I study if Allah (swt) does not will for me to pass then i won't do well. So Success comes from being close to Allah (swt) and only from him. So to all the MUSLIM STUDENTS out there Depend on the Creator not the Creation. ;)