In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate

In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate
Al-Quran (30:30)

So direct your face toward the religion, inclining to truth. [Adhere to] the fitrah of Allah upon which He has created [all] people. No change should there be in the creation of Allah. That is the correct religion, but most of the people do not know.

فَأَقِمْ وَجْهَكَ لِلدِّينِ حَنِيفًا فِطْرَةَ اللَّهِ الَّتِي فَطَرَ النَّاسَ عَلَيْهَا لَا تَبْدِيلَ لِخَلْقِ اللَّهِ ذَلِكَ الدِّينُ الْقَيِّمُ وَلَكِنَّ أَكْثَرَ النَّاسِ لَا يَعْلَمُونَ
[Al-Imran 3:8] "[Who say], "Our Lord, let not our hearts deviate after You have guided us and grant us from Yourself mercy. Indeed, You are the Bestower."

Monday, October 10, 2011


Alhamdulillah I am a muslim and I pray that Allah grants me a long life of obedience to him (Ameen) and I depart this earth as a muslim, however, my family is not Muslim. Sometimes I feel so depressed about it that lose hope and feel as if there is no need to make dua for them but I have never ceased to do so regardless if I don’t feel anything in my heart. I sometimes try to visualize how it can work for them. I am sure they would be ostracized by the community and their families as I have been but I still tag along I don’t care I just THINK they would be able to handle that. I have even came close to telling them to accept Islam and they could continue to do what they want. My priority is that they become Muslim first. Being a Muslim is better than being a sinning Muslim, that's how i try to make sense of things in this world where no one gives a hoots about anything but instant gratification. I figure that if they accept it, slowly iman will build. People don’t realize or I guess some Muslims that to accept Islam does not necessarily signify that one has faith yet. It takes time for Iman (faith) to infuse the heart. Everything becomes easier to do when you have faith. Salah is not a burden and something like pork that was not unusual before to consume becomes repugnant even the mere thought of it and the smell. Even the thought of being without hijab and in tight "revealing" clothes justify a panic attack.

I want my parents to be Muslim and I dont know how to exactly to make "dawah" to them without driving them away. Reasonably, I try to be the best Muslim and daughter I can be and never compromise my faith because I know they watch and test me. I think they do it unintentionally and try to validate my "religion" by measuring my conviction if I compromise. As a result I try to be very cautious. I also try to not to be shy about Islam although I feel awkward to bring it as it can become very tense. Before, I would not tolerate if someone talked about Muslims or islam in any negative or incorrect way and would become very emotional about it too. My parents have always had to mediate which I noticed began to strain their kinship with some family members. My mother advised me to be as tolerant as possible to show otherwise of what is claimed about my religion however she is adamant on me not having to feel that I have to please them by feeling I don’t have a choice. Once, one of my aunts was trying to humiliate me for praying and how I prayed and my mother told me later about it. I was unaware and but I had suspected it as I heard them and seen them walk into the room I guess thinking to find me there still praying but Alhamdulillah I was done by then. She was crying and told me in front of my father as my father “advised” me to just pray at home not in other peoples home “to pray where ever the heck I want to and when I want to and where I want to.” My mother knows more about Islam so she knew that I have to pray in specified times. It made me so happy yet so sad. I feel sad because they feel sad for me. I know they feel sad to see me have to deal with so much crap and I know they feel sad about the way I dress. My mom knows about how I also have to deal with crap from the muslim community. Since becoming Muslim I feel as I have become so aware of how horrible this world really is and makes me feel so thankful I am muslim and at the same time so disillusioned. I told an acquaintance two days ago how I sometimes I wish I knew no muslim but that’s really horrible to say. I regret saying that to her, who is a Muslim and I have great Muslim gal friends whom I love. I just felt so frustrated at the moment.

For me dawah is not about proselytizing. I hated it before I was Muslim and I hate now. Dawah is supposed to be this which is summarized in this quote by Hasan Al-Basri,

Sit with those whose actions speak to you, not with those whose utterances address you."

I am a Muslim because I believe Allah is the only one worthy of worship therefore as an effect of this conviction its only expected that I believe others should worship him too. In addition, I believe that the best thing in this world is Islam and if I love someone and want the best for them, I wish them Islam. I don’t try to convert others because I want a “bigger team” to brag about. It really annoys me when some Muslims make reference about how 1 in 4 humans are muslim and bla bla bla… WHO CARES?! Seriously! I will care when they practice Islam. So basically I am not into this, sit down with my parents and make dawah thing.
Dawah is not one-dimensional!… whats up with the pamplets? I am not going to give my parents a book or pamphlet about Islam. Why should they feel any need to read that stuff?  I have to inspire them by allowing to see the change in me. This applies to everything. If want others to see the beauty of Islam we have to show it. We can give information but rarely do reverts come into Islam because of a pamphlet... something else inspires them to take that plunge and be interested. 

I don’t understand why there is so much emphasis to make so much dawah to non-muslims when some muslims dislike one another in their communities. Honestly, I used to love my community until I realized how it all works. Everyone talks crap about one another and envies one another. How we trust one who does not love the best for their muslim brother and sister to love the best for non-muslims? The more I think about why they do I cringe at the reality of why that would be… its hypocrisy and total convenience. Its looks better to be the majority. If this was not the case they would not fight and bicker between each other. For that reason I am have taken a break and insha’allah will resume to being an active community member for the sake of Allah and for the future of our community, our ummah!

Many Muslims, upon learning I am the only muslim in my family somehow assume I have not made dawah to them or that I don’t care otherwise they would be muslim. They ask me, “Have you made dawah to them?”
“Yes,” I reply
“How? do you talk to them about islam?”
“sort of, but yeah I have…”
“what do you say to them?”
“umm well I don’t do it directly, Its difficult to say, it just does not work that way”

I love my parents and it hurts me so much that they are not Muslim. They are getting older and are past 60 now. I learned today that my father has been throwing up blood for some time. I felt so angry and I don’t know why. Trials will never end. Just when one thinks they are done with one a set others come our way. I have tried to “visualize” in order to mentally emotionally, and spiritually prepare myself for a tragedy ( a future trial) such as one of my parent's or siblings death. The way I rationalize it is that if they don’t accept Islam it is perhaps because Allah foresaw that they had arrogance in their hearts and therefore sealed their hearts and they died in such a state. Another way is that I reassure myself that in Jannah there is no pain or sadness and that it wont affect me then. I just don’t know how to deal with it now. I know it’s horrible to envision such things but it’s a reality that many don’t realize. Its such a blessing to have Muslim parents. If my parents die as kafirs, I can’t make dua for them and perhaps can’t even go to their funeral or not even tolerate it if I could. Can you imagine how painful it would be for me to attend their funerals in which a priest is throwing “holy” water at their coffins and reciting prayers of shirk (disbelief)?! Thats like adding salt to my wounds. I think I would just collapse and die of pain right there and then. I really just don’t know how to make dawah to them… or I guess I just don’t know when Islam will come into their hearts! I hope that even if I never know whats in their hearts that hopefully because Allah has mercy on them and allows islam to enter their hearts even if it maybe their last breath.