In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate

In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate
Al-Quran (30:30)

So direct your face toward the religion, inclining to truth. [Adhere to] the fitrah of Allah upon which He has created [all] people. No change should there be in the creation of Allah. That is the correct religion, but most of the people do not know.

فَأَقِمْ وَجْهَكَ لِلدِّينِ حَنِيفًا فِطْرَةَ اللَّهِ الَّتِي فَطَرَ النَّاسَ عَلَيْهَا لَا تَبْدِيلَ لِخَلْقِ اللَّهِ ذَلِكَ الدِّينُ الْقَيِّمُ وَلَكِنَّ أَكْثَرَ النَّاسِ لَا يَعْلَمُونَ
[Al-Imran 3:8] "[Who say], "Our Lord, let not our hearts deviate after You have guided us and grant us from Yourself mercy. Indeed, You are the Bestower."


Sunday, May 27, 2012

What Trials should mean to the Believer

These past two weeks I have experienced a roller coaster of emotions and as a result it has influenced my iman DRAMATICALLY. Right now I think my iman is high but my hope is low. I feel that I'm in danger as I am so scared to depart this earth as I am not in the best position. I think its foolish to think that we have our days guaranteed (watch 1000 ways to die show you'll know what I mean). I feel as if at any moment Allah will destroy me and I am awaiting some type of affliction as a punishment or a means purification (by the mercy of Allah.)


So I have been very cautious and vigilant of my surroundings and happenings. Yesterday I cleaned the bathroom and I suppose I used too much bleach because my head started hurting A LOT and my eyes burned! I thought to myself, "Oh my God, this is the moment I die," so I Googled  it and apparently it was nothing to worry about Alhamdulillah and I think I survived :) While going to sleep I thought to myself how I hoped that my headache and my burning eyes were an affliction as a means of purification.


Sometimes we don't realize the effects of sins on us. I for one become very restless. My sleep feels very interrupted and I wake up with a dreaded feeling always. I sometimes wonder if I feel the effects of my sins so somatically due to the dua I made to Allah, that whatever displeases him may I find disgust from them and displease me. I sort of hope it is that because it would only mean that Allah answered my dua and that makes me feel very grand. Imagine getting a personal response by the president... Subhana'allah that would make many ecstatic but for me knowing that perhaps one of my dua was answered makes me feel so honored. The lord of the Worlds contacted me... ya what a feeling. 


Now, I dont take much pleasure in watching movies or shows as I used to.When I sit in a gathering in which its not about Islam I get Attention Deficit Disorder or something which can be awkward for others. 


Today I woke up with my head still hurting. I am not sure if its still because of the bleach or my sleep. Although I intended on sleeping early as usual, I did not sleep until 3 hours before fajr and I felt groggy and disoriented for fajr.Such a horrible feeling ya Allah! :( feel like a zombie!


The worst aspect of all of this is that I am so ungrateful and heedless. When my iman is high and I am more grateful (less extravagant), I feel happier even in the face of trouble. I then realized that I really don't experience many worldly trials at all or atleast I don't perceive them as such but when I am undergoing a very low iman my trials feel immense. I have everything I need and although I can ask for more I should be content and be patient. My trials are little compared to others which I am not sure if thats a good thing as the best of people are usually those who are tested the most:


 It was narrated from Mus`ab bin Sa`d that his father, Sa`d bin Abu Waqqaas رضي الله عنه said: “I said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah which people are most severely tested?' He صلى الله عليه وسلم replied: 'The Prophets, then the next best and the next best. A person is tested according to his religious commitment. If he is steadfast in his religious commitment, he will be tested more severely, and if he is frail in his religious commitment, his test will be according to his commitment. Trials will continue to afflict a person until they leave him walking on the earth with no sin on him.’
Allah subhanahu Wa ta ala is the most merciful, he never burdens us with more than we can bear and does not destroy us immediately. At times when people wrong me I feel very merciless towards them and I think of how Allah the most great is able to withhold destroying us whilst we transgress him everyday. If only I had a beautiful patience would I be basking in the blessings of a happy heart of one whom Allah is pleased with. 


The looser is the one who's goal is not to please Allah as he will only meet wretchedness...INDEED! 
Suhaib ibn Sinaan رضي الله عنه narrated: “The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم while sitting with his companions laughed and said: “Do you not want to ask me what made me laugh?” They said: “O Messenger of Allaah! What made you laugh?” He صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “The case of the believer amazed me! [In another narration it is: “How remarkable is the case of the believer”]

Monday, May 14, 2012

Get Islam not a Lotto!


When I focus on the uncertainty of my future, I feel unhappiest. I feel as if everything caves in and am the most miserable and unfortunate person on earth. I forget how blessed I am and become so ungrateful. It is as if I forget that my only responsibility is to just take the necessary steps towards my goals and Allah will do the rest. My impatience is such a trial for me subhana’Allah. May Allah guide me. I even began to count my deeds as if they were investments for this dunya. How disgusting : (  The only thing I am grateful during these periods of grief is that salah never misses me and never overburdens.  I hope it’s because Allah has not yet sealed my heart and loves me. I know that there will always be hope for those that want it and I know I sure do! Otherwise I am doomed. May Allah forgive me for thinking like a kafir (non-believer) and a munafiq (hypocrite). 

Earlier today I saw a girl crying and although I felt just as miserable as her, my heart was sound. It’s difficult to explain because in that moment I pitied her because she did not know Allah and her only refuge was in this deceitful dunya. Yet I was still in my ungrateful mode. 

Then later that day after salah al-Asr, a thought came to me and I inquired my self, ‘why I prayed?’ and the answer to that was because I want to be beloved to Allah, the lord of the worlds!! The fact that my purpose of my existence is to worship Allah makes life bearable.I could never fail in life if I strive to get close to Allah  as opposed to striving for this dunya failure will always linger.

How many people strive to be rich in this world and never become rich or how many do become rich but loose it all? The other day at my internship one of my coworkers had a lotto ticket in his t-shirt pocket. I noticed it and I wondered if he knew it was visible. I felt sort of embarrassed for him because for me I felt it exposed his vulnerability, his attachment to this world. The odds of him becoming rich are so slight that he has a better chance of getting a Nobel Peace Prize in Physics than winning the lotto! I laughed to myself and I pitied him as well. Funny, how i pity everyone except myself :-/ I'm a hypocrite y'all thats why.  

The point is that when we know what our purpose is in this world and we seek to fulfill it we are happy and content. Instead of striving for riches or things of this dunya ask Allah to grant you contentment in all you are provided by from Allah. We should be thankful for everything we have and if affliction befalls us be patient perhaps it was from our own doing (i.e. sins) or from Allah. In either case we have to be patient and seek or rizq (provision) from Allah.

I often feel like a failure and this really gets me down. I wish I was so many things and according to my oldself I should have hit several milestones in my life by now. It really depresses me because no matter how much I try I fail and then I realized that I could never fail t in getting close to Allah or fail in not earning Jannah if I try. How wonderful is that?!. I have Allah and I am a Muslim! What else do I need?! Nada!  Maybe I should send my coworker a memo of his likelihood (statistically) winning the lottery. lol.

Earth and all its Vastness...


For some time I have been planning to take my family on a vacation Insha’allah! So I have been saving up to do so and want to go somewhere exotic and unconventional. Perhaps the Caribbean but then again I am reminded how awkward it will be for me to watch everyone have fun in the water while I sit and stare all hot and miserable. Then I thought of Europe but it reminds me of boring middle school history classes and in all honesty I have never been drawn to want to visit Europe. Now that I am a Muslim I am less amused by it -_-. My mother wants to go to Spain but Spain reminds me of pork and my stomach churns thinking about it :(  So check off…

For me the whole point of vacations is to relax and enjoy good food. So if I cannot relax and enjoy good food there is no point.  I could not think of any place I would want to visit other than Madinah and Mecca. Seems like every other place on earth is gross and tainted and just so haram… like what the heck can I do anywhere? 

Brazil reminds me of zina because of all its nakedness. Argentina reminds of pork, mexico reminds me of beer, I don’t even take a vacation within the states, reminds me of burgers.  Central America… more nakedness… umm no I don’t want to go there. I know I sound so horrible bashing all these countries and generalizing to one thing :-/

All this reminded me of how this dunya is so… (Trying to think of a proper word to say it without sounding so ungrateful) … CHEAP (for the lack of a better word :-/ ) This world is nothing compared to what Allah has in store for us insha’Allah. It so not worth being chased after.  I felt so melancholic and yearned for jannah and the face of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) :(  hope I don’t sound suicidal and emo.  Death is a calamity and the day of a judgment is the biggest trial we will ever face I am in no shape of form trying to speed that process…no sirreee there is a hadith that mentions: hope not for death for the terror of unveiling is great. It is from the felicity of a person that Allah grants him long life and nourish him with penitence (Ahmad on the authority of Jabir and isnad ruled hasan by haythami).”

The earth and all its vastness can not make me truly happy and I think that sometimes we all forget that. I need to remind myself more often of this truth and perhaps I would be more righteous and patient. There is this beautiful ayah in the Quran where Allah, the exalted says,  in Surah Az-Zumar 39:47 and will end on that note : )

“[39:47] And if those who did wrong had all that is in the earth entirely and the like of it with it, they would [attempt to] ransom themselves thereby from the worst of the punishment on the Day of Resurrection. And there will appear to them from Allah that which they had not taken into account.