In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate

In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate
Al-Quran (30:30)

So direct your face toward the religion, inclining to truth. [Adhere to] the fitrah of Allah upon which He has created [all] people. No change should there be in the creation of Allah. That is the correct religion, but most of the people do not know.

فَأَقِمْ وَجْهَكَ لِلدِّينِ حَنِيفًا فِطْرَةَ اللَّهِ الَّتِي فَطَرَ النَّاسَ عَلَيْهَا لَا تَبْدِيلَ لِخَلْقِ اللَّهِ ذَلِكَ الدِّينُ الْقَيِّمُ وَلَكِنَّ أَكْثَرَ النَّاسِ لَا يَعْلَمُونَ
[Al-Imran 3:8] "[Who say], "Our Lord, let not our hearts deviate after You have guided us and grant us from Yourself mercy. Indeed, You are the Bestower."

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


On Sunday my family visited and I wore my abaya. I normally do not wear an abaya when I am with them except in some occasions. My mother has expressed to  me that she does not like it much as I look like a "grandma" and that I can still be modest without looking assuch. There is some truth but "hey!" it covers me well and I feel secure because it is one less sin I have to worry about.

Anyhow, I had to be creative on how I approached this and being a revert sort of requires that. while walking, a breeze blew to which I quickly tried to prevent it from exposing me. My mother noticed and chuckled commenting on the irony of how immodest she was dressed and is my mother. I humored her and just commented how indeed that was ironic to which my other sister commented on as well. We all laughed. Alhamdulillah! It felt nice and  it took the awkwardness/tension I was feeling because I knew she feels a bit embarrassed when I dress in such a manner. I always feel like a burden and it just makes me feel horrible. I really wish I could tell them how I don't desire to make them uncomfortable but I also dont want to forsake my soul. 

Alhamdulillah this is all a trial for me and I just have to find a way to surmount it. I have to accept that no matter what Allah guides whom he wills and I don't have to compromise just for the sake of thinking it will be the best method to attract them to Islam.

Also this weekend I attended a seminar in which the daa'ee said some weird stuff that I felt like throwing my shoe (mentally :-/ ). I could not believe this man just stated his opinion not fearing that he could misguide others and become accountable for their sins especially when its something that is of doubt. I dont know! made me think of how we will continue to be the most humiliated of people because we sell our religion just to be liked and to appease others. I dont know, only Allah knows whats up with the dude but I just pray that Allah rectifies our affairs and guides us because as an ummah we are a failure in all aspects.

Somehow the news of the daa'ee errors got around and I seen it on facebook. This sister blasted him and at no moment did she mention for Allah to guide him. I mean seriously? I know the dude did some BIG error but I dont think I am qualified to even say his aqeedah might be flawed. I believe he knew he just wanted to  make an excuse for himself as it was apparent he was guilty of what they inquired him ( I think I heard him stutter :-/

What bothers me about this is these individuals who are like hardcore into the online dawah  have probably read some books from major scholars and now they feel they are guided and have the qualifications to make fatwas as if they were mujtahids or something. Maybe I am wrong and this is how they only appear but yeah I feel annoyed nonetheless.They get in online arguments all the time to a point that they get emotional and they always seem to be online ALL THE TIME. Like it makes me wonder if they really even do such reading or attend any lectures or interact with REAL people subhana'Allah. In addition, they seem to be awake very late. I always wonder if they not fear to miss fajr or is fajr like not that big of a deal where being groggy and semi awake okay?! I really just wonder. 

I feel a bit flustered about all these things. They stress me out. I stress about my family, I stress about the "looserness" of our Ummah and the lack of real sisterhood (or brotherhood). I wish I could just have a sister to call/visit and just discuss some stuff I learne or read and just talk about our favorite scholars their works and such and just exchange ilm. I have my sister alhamdulillah. I have tried to befriend some other sisters and tried to do this but it just does not happen as I desire. This sister once just stared at me to a point where I actually stopped talking and could not think of anything to say but comment on how stoic she seemed. I know it sounds weird and I can not believe I said such but yeah... it was a really awkward conversation.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

They discriminate because they fear?

Alhamdulillah, I have never had to deal with horrible discrimination where it has escalated to some form of abuse. I have only dealt with occasional mumbling behind annoying glares ranging from bold curiosity to "if only looks could kill." Today was out of range... very strange Subhana'Allah! Her glare was that of a demon possessed owl (unfortunately she can't do a 360 degrees neck turn otherwise...). At first I thought she was staring past me but then I realized as I got closer, that she was actually staring at me with this false vanity of an English Butler.I was on the phone with my sister and became side tracked due to the girl's stare and reacted on my impulse. Usually I just brush it off or look away but this time I stared back and told her, "what is your problem?" Right away she looked away and disappeared until the liquor aisle. LOL. It was so weird that I even wondered for a second if it actually happened especially because of how I reacted.

Then soon right after (I was already walking towards the register) at the register, a man behind me began to make a fuss which I assumed was because he probably thought I was taking "long." Not to make mention there were other empty open register and I was buying 3 items. Yeah whatever, anyways so he started make agitated sounds which made me nervous and as a result I ended up pressing the wrong button and canceling the transaction so I had to start over and I apologized to him. He just looked at me like I was a nobody. Whatever. So apparently, I assume he got an epiphany or perhaps there was divine intervention because he went to the next empty open register. Honestly it was not more than a minute and it was not as if i was even making conversation with the clerk or anything. I did not think much and while heading out the store, I thought I heard this obnoxious man talk about this "person" in front of him in line. I stopped to look back and I saw it was indeed him telling another man whilst looking at me. I felt like going up to him and telling him, "what did you say?" and I swear to Allah it actually crossed my mind because I actually stood there thinking what to do then I just walked away! 

Is this guy serious?! First of, I did not even take long and second, its no reason to disrespect anyone especially a woman. Forget the fact I am a Muslim, I am a woman! These kufar do a lot of talk about how we Muslimahs are oppressed and yada yada yet this man disrespected me so much even though I did nothing and over something so trivial. What does he have to do that is so important? Get Drunk and be in a state of heedlessness? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! this is why I was disrespected? Probably not, probably because I am Muslim or he is an idiot... 

I told my sister how funny it is that we Muslims try to compromise our Deen for these type of individuals for the fear of not fitting in. I brought the fact that these people try to tell us what is best for us yet do not even know whats best for themselves. They do not even clean themselves properly. If you really think about it makes you feel so honored to be Muslim. We have so many blessings that we do not even recognize because we are busy trying to fit in and become distracted with the cheapness of this world. 

If they really "feared" Muslims they would not try to intimidate or aggravate us yet they do. It does not make sense because fear is supposedly makes someone want to escape or avoid a situation not get more involved. These people do not display anxiety or fear. They display bigotry and ignorance! sigh*

Saturday, June 9, 2012

So people dont like you ehh?

I used to care if people did not like me or displayed in some form their dislike for me and was a major source of distress for me. Today it happened! At first I felt very offended because I knew it was done with the purpose of  trying to hurt me. Alhamdulillah I was not hurt but became worried for a second because I was trying to figure out what I had done to wrong this individual. I don't even want to talk more than what is necessary as I don't believe its good for my heart anyways or good for me to entertain ill feelings towards anyone. I only write this for anyone who finds themselves in such a situation to ask Allah to forgive them and secondly, not to care if someone does not like YOU! I believe these individuals who try to mistreat people are generally very inconsiderate and selfish and don't need a reason to dislike one. Do not misunderstand me I believe its always a very honorable thing to seek forgiveness of people so that you don't have to deal with this matter on the Day of Judgment but honestly some people just like to HATE which I struggle to understand.

I did not think it was going to upset me this much but apparently it did as I could not stop thinking about it all day and here I am writing a post on it. I asked a couple of my friends and family to tell me what I should do to improve upon or what was "wrong with me" because I feel that I always find myself in situations similar to this. It makes me sad because I don't know what makes people dislike me and if I knew I would surely try to fix that because a good character is beloved to Allah.

Then I thought to myself, "why should I care that an insignificant ( and kafir) person does not like me!"
I don't think I would ever be that cruel to tell someone that I don't like them and reveal evidence of me backbiting them by stating that,"so and so also does not like you."  Honestly those are the least of people anyone should care to please  If I dislike someone its for the sake of Allah and nothing else. I can't think of anyone that I dislike personally alhamdulillah. There are people I choose to avoid for in order to protect my heart because I either believe they are not beneficial for my iman or in terms of improving myself in this dunya.

If you are every distraught or shaken by such things do not panic! Take refuge in Allah as it is he whom we should prioritize in pleasing and nothing supersedes Allah. For instance, if pleasing ones parents will cause for us to displease Allah know you have wronged yourself. If one focus on pleasing Allah and did not have intentions of wronging anyone, then one should not become distraught over it because its a lost case. If anything, this should only serve to humble us and cause us reflect upon our character.

May Allah fix our affairs and may he make beloved to which he loves and hate to which he hates Ameen.