Anyhow, I had to be creative on how I approached this and being a revert sort of requires that. while walking, a breeze blew to which I quickly tried to prevent it from exposing me. My mother noticed and chuckled commenting on the irony of how immodest she was dressed and is my mother. I humored her and just commented how indeed that was ironic to which my other sister commented on as well. We all laughed. Alhamdulillah! It felt nice and it took the awkwardness/tension I was feeling because I knew she feels a bit embarrassed when I dress in such a manner. I always feel like a burden and it just makes me feel horrible. I really wish I could tell them how I don't desire to make them uncomfortable but I also dont want to forsake my soul.
Alhamdulillah this is all a trial for me and I just have to find a way to surmount it. I have to accept that no matter what Allah guides whom he wills and I don't have to compromise just for the sake of thinking it will be the best method to attract them to Islam.
Also this weekend I attended a seminar in which the daa'ee said some weird stuff that I felt like throwing my shoe (mentally :-/ ). I could not believe this man just stated his opinion not fearing that he could misguide others and become accountable for their sins especially when its something that is of doubt. I dont know! made me think of how we will continue to be the most humiliated of people because we sell our religion just to be liked and to appease others. I dont know, only Allah knows whats up with the dude but I just pray that Allah rectifies our affairs and guides us because as an ummah we are a failure in all aspects.
Somehow the news of the daa'ee errors got around and I seen it on facebook. This sister blasted him and at no moment did she mention for Allah to guide him. I mean seriously? I know the dude did some BIG error but I dont think I am qualified to even say his aqeedah might be flawed. I believe he knew he just wanted to make an excuse for himself as it was apparent he was guilty of what they inquired him ( I think I heard him stutter :-/
What bothers me about this is these individuals who are like hardcore into the online dawah have probably read some books from major scholars and now they feel they are guided and have the qualifications to make fatwas as if they were mujtahids or something. Maybe I am wrong and this is how they only appear but yeah I feel annoyed nonetheless.They get in online arguments all the time to a point that they get emotional and they always seem to be online ALL THE TIME. Like it makes me wonder if they really even do such reading or attend any lectures or interact with REAL people subhana'Allah. In addition, they seem to be awake very late. I always wonder if they not fear to miss fajr or is fajr like not that big of a deal where being groggy and semi awake okay?! I really just wonder.
I feel a bit flustered about all these things. They stress me out. I stress about my family, I stress about the "looserness" of our Ummah and the lack of real sisterhood (or brotherhood). I wish I could just have a sister to call/visit and just discuss some stuff I learne or read and just talk about our favorite scholars their works and such and just exchange ilm. I have my sister alhamdulillah. I have tried to befriend some other sisters and tried to do this but it just does not happen as I desire. This sister once just stared at me to a point where I actually stopped talking and could not think of anything to say but comment on how stoic she seemed. I know it sounds weird and I can not believe I said such but yeah... it was a really awkward conversation.