When we seek the provision of Allah ironically, we do so by disobeying him. Its is the strangest thing! For me, I hate having to compromise my modesty in order not to "offend" anyone. It makes me feel so horrible. I hate having to wear pants, I hate having to shorten my hijab, I hate having to sit among people that all they do is talk about television trash. I hate the mindless dunya talk. Subhana'Allah I hate it all! Yet I have to allow it to exist in my world because I do not have to means to avoid it. With the little dunya garbage I knew I participated in order not to seem prude. It was painful. Felt like the worse munafiq! I hate it so much! Pretty much that sums up what yesterday consisted of. It left my heart and soul feeling wounded and woke up with a heart-burn like feeling this morning. If I had tawwakkul then perhaps I would not resort to having to believe I do not have the means to avoid it.
It is unbelievable how people CAN take pleasure in compromising their deen. They even see it as an excuse to commit MORE haram because they can not "escape" it allegedly. I HATE in my heart and with all my body so much! For example, many reason that "Islamic nasheeds (even those that have instruments) are permissible because it is a "better" alternative to the other material out there. Or That Islamic Nasheeds are good because they remind people of Allah. Yeah sure they do! They remind them how to disobey Allah in the most insulting of manners!
To conclude, one who disregards Allah will experience the worse of humiliation! Not only in this life but in the next! When one compromises their Deen and does not know or believe in the Greatness of Allah they have only set themselves to be humiliated. I hope that Allah takes me away from this situation soon and in the meantime I have to STRIVE to get out of the situation and change it! We must also hate it in our hearts! How can we expect the grace of Allah if we love what he hates? I dont know whether I should feel safe from my heart become sealed because at least I hate it. I shall spend today on rehabilitation mode uggh!