Currently trying to finish reading the seerah of the prophet (sallahu allayhi wa salam), The Sealed Nectar (Ar-Raheequl-Makhtum) before I move onto something else. I want to delve as deep as I can and reflect on the lessons that can be derived from his seerah. Being that I am heart sick from superficial things about life at the moment, the seerah of rasulullah (sallahu allayhi wa salam) has subjected me to scrutinize my perspective on my trials as minute as a warm breeze on a summer day. They are not terrible and neither do they harm me. A warm breeze can be delightful yet does not change the condition. So I should in no way feel "bitter" or go on a "life is hard because I am convert" rant. I feel immensely stupid. I should humble myself and just do what I can with my life and just wait for the bounty of my Lord. My trials are nothing like that of the early converts to Islam.
In testament of that, today was an awkward day at work. One of my coworkers "randomly" starts to comment how religion is the fountain of vice and wars and such. Then he says how God is everything good that is what God is and not how religion defines it. I laughed to myself and finished his quote with "said fulan (his name)." I am so tired of this... I dont even know why they feel they have a right to annoy me. I've thought of complaining but why would another kafir care anyways. Again I reflected on the seerah and how the mushrik went to great lengths just to annoy the believers and mock them. I mean subhana'Allah these kafirs go through so much efforts to annoy me sometimes its entertaining. These moments reaffirm to me that despite having an ill heart, it is not yet sealed. I feel the iman in my heart and dont desire to compromise my beliefs to appease to them like they do in order to disguise their wavering faith and lack of truth.
The sweetness of faith makes this life bearable. Its like a cool breeze on a hot summer day. Delightful and gives relief. I love Allah (azza wa jal) and I love Rasulullah (sallahu allayhi wa salam) and I love my religion of Islam! I feel so happy right now! May Allah guide me and forgive me.
Astaghfirullaha wa atoobu ilayhi (I seek the forgiveness of Allah and repent to him)